Everyone around her is an enemy of her.
She has a feeling that the world is watching her every move-waiting for her to take a false step. She also has a firm belief that with her power she can help people-only she has forgotten how to use them.
She started imagining that the male population is keen on controlling her special magical charm-that is why they are after her. She started to have a sensation of repulsion whenever a man came near her-as if he has an evil intention for her-as if he is going to commit a heinous crime.
Even she started to suspect her husband for putting her into hospital-he must have planned a profit running venture in putting her into hospital. He must have put her into hospital to live a life king size-of his own will!
She imagined her flesh is decaying slowly-and her body is covered with transparent clothing. As a precaution-she started to have baths countless times a day and after every shower she started to have her body covered with all sorts of garments she could gather. Then one day she asked herself-why I am trying to make myself presentable? After all I am making myself more vulnerable to the lustful eyes of man.
From then on she started to restrict herself to one shower per day. Let they come now!
Hallucination? Day dreaming? Mental breakdown?
Twisting My Kaleidoscope by Shannon Love is the account of her days of struggle against herself. In an absorbing narrative she recalls the memory of her days of storm-her days of clinical therapy…..it is a journey of life for Love where she will life from a different perspective-a new angle that will give her more strength to conquer her difficult days. In this quest of life she will find a true meaning of the word-love! She discovered many new bonds-bonds that gave her courage, grit and determination to sail her ship in turbulent water and her imaginary friend called God who always stood by her side. Her faith also acted as a catalyst-‘once puberty arrived, I only approached my friend God, occasionally when I required a favor.’
She and her husband Charles are nice examples of characters of contrasts. She came from a diverse cultural background rendering her a liberal outlook-whereas Charles coming from a traditional background might have some conventional mentality. She described their journey together with a dash of humor
“Thus with a decisive itinerary, Mr. and Mrs. Rigid-Irresolute jumped hand in hand onto a boat to ‘elsewhere.’ Shortly after we embarked, the wind blew our plans into the churning sea. We have been winging it ever since, through years of travel and three kids.”
Life was like migratory birds for the couple-free like the air-open like the sky until they packed their bags and journeyed from the Dark Continent to Asia-the land of dragons. In china the global couple encountered their destiny-destiny that placed them at the crossroad of life-destiny that proved to be an extreme test of relations. Here she discovered some friends-who would later provide her strength and a possible hint of cardiac problems-of which she had a family history. Here she was also caught into two minds-about her future. In the words of Shannon
‘After some thought, I narrowed it down to two options. Would I be Ms. Love, the history teacher or Shannon, the school guidance counselor? Counselor won, as my nurturing skills outweighed classroom management. Working with confiding teenagers seemed more natural than attempting to control a group of kids who might or might not be interested in what I had to say.’
Memories of life sometimes overshadow our personality. Shannon faced the same-her personal life threatened to eclipse her thought-‘my world was transformed into a mountain I could not envision climbing.’ To escape from the reality around her- she imagined a voice deep within her –her biggest friend with whom all ups and downs can be shared-only with him. Even she gave him a name-Valentino-her only valentine or what she has envisaged at that point of her life. She forgot to notice when the distance is created between the two loving minds.
She was now a patient of psychosis. Treatment can be helpful when the patient develops an urge to live a normal life again. And at that moment of her crisis-at her moment of deep depression-at her moment of confining herself into an imaginary cocoon-who else could have hold her hand other than her husband. In a mind touching narrative-Shannon described her moment of resurrection (is not the word too dramatic?)
‘My eyes fixed on the television screen as I studied carefully the twenty three year old face of the man sitting next to me, looking into the eyes of my younger self-vowing to honor and cherish his bride-trembling hands-quivering voice. Yet, this youthful Charles appeared nervous, but there was something else I saw in his face. Could it be tenderness? Could it be love? I tried to examine the middle aged Charles as he watched the video. His eyes were red. They looked sad, defeated.
From there where the life will take Shannon? Will she surrender meekly to the demon within-or will she come triumphant. Will she finally be capable of climbing the peak she had dreamt of reaching for so many days?
Corresponds made with her near and dear ones added a personal touch to the entire book. The fluid way of writing has made this book a read worth reading again and again.
The title of the book is appropriate-as it explores the patterns of life from different angles. Looking it back from a different perspective gives a new pattern.
It is a memory worth exploring-exploration that renders a meaning to life.
Human soul is the pivot of the world.
We are all starved to love-and to a starved individual love is a way of getting rejuvenated.
Everyone around her is an enemy of her.